I go into this blind, although not blindfolded (there’s
a thought). I have no idea about the story, as I haven’t seen either the
musical, any of the previous film versions or read Victor Hugo's book. Naturally
I knew there was going to be a lot of singing in it or rather, as is often the
case, elongated talking. Something I’ve experienced before, the awful Sweeney
Todd springs to mind, but that is often better than sitting through a singing
frenzy, like say Evita. OMG I’ve done so many musicals, I sound like an expert.
Set in post first Revolution France, the film tells the
story of prisoner 24601 Jean Valjean (Hugh Jackman) who stole a piece of bread and
got sent to do hard labour for 19 years. Well, it turned into 19 years after
several escape attempts. He is then released on parole which he breaks. He then
steals from the only man who wants to help him, a priest. He gets caught but
the priest forgives him, tells him to keep his ill gotten gains, as long as he
makes something of his life. We fast-forward in time and I reach for Wikipedia,
I’m confused already because Hugh Jackman doesn’t look like Hugh Jackman.
That ‘making something of his life’ translates to taking in
Anne Hathaway, which is way beyond the call of duty even for an ex-convict.
Give that man a royal pardon please but no, he is set to be constantly hounded for
the rest of his life by a rather jobsworth of a police inspector called Javert
(Russell Crowe).
Hathaway’s character Fantine gets sacked from her job for
reasons I didn't fully understand, then sells not only the desirable bits of
her body but also her hair and teeth to feed her child. The really odd thing is
that someone wanted to buy these. Becoming a prostitute for money I can
understand, that's a service that sells, but hair and teeth? Hmmm. Is this just
an excuse to get a teeth pulling scene in, which is a good analogy... Meanwhile
I’m still trying to work out why the supposedly reformed Valjean was hanging
around the red light district in the first place.
Thankfully within minutes of being on screen Hathaway has
died, again not quite sure of what, without us even finding out anything of
note about her. With her dying on his watch, Valjean’s task to make something
of his life is already looking a bit ropey. This is why I guess he decided to
take care of Fantine’s daughter Cosette.
Then we’re into the lesser known second French Revolution.
Which I’m sure there must have been more to than some students piling a load of
furniture up in a side street whilst they were between lecturers. Amongst them,
and clearly lost in France, is a little street urchin kid with a worryingly broad
Cockney accent.
Mid-Revolution the rather feeble Marius (Eddie Redmayne)
sees Cosette (Amanda Seyfried) and instantly falls in love. They don’t actually
speak, words are not necessary. Unbelievably Marius hasn’t noticed the far more gorgeous
female beside him, her friend and his, Éponine (Samantha Barks). Who would opt
for the incredibly plain Cosette over her, not me. It can’t be because of her
personality because; well they still haven’t spoken to each other. No
wonder Éponine is so upset. Forget him love, he’s into precious, boring, rich
girls who wouldn’t be seen dead on the frontline, you’re too good for him girl.
Valjean is initially worried Marius is going to take his
adopted Daughter away from him, for about twenty seconds that is, then clearly he
realises how expensive Daughters are and changes his mind. Suddenly he is so
intent on getting her married off that he carries the now wounded Marius
through the sewers to safety.
Only to come up against the mad singing policeman again. Finally,
having been shown mercy himself several times, Javert has a moment of
enlightenment and lets them go. Then promptly throws himself off a bridge, still
singing. You couldn’t make it up. Well clearly someone did, didn’t they Mr Hugo
but I guess if you’d précised your own book, which clocks in at 57 hour 51
minutes on audiobook (I checked), you’d have perhaps done it a bit differently.
Moments later, Valjean dies too, not that we even knew he
was ill and that’s the problem really. We don’t know much at all. Les Mis isn’t
into character development and therefore we know jack all about everyone.
It’s a shame because I got the impression there was a really
good story in there somewhere fighting to get out but there was so much plot
missing that it simply didn’t make any sense. Clearly they expected people to
know the story and/or had seen the musical. It's has, however, made me want to
see one of the film versions (with no singing obviously) to find out more.
Still, it wasn’t as bad as I expected and although lightweight,
it was broadly entertaining. Cast wise, my expectations of Russell Crowe were
that low, I actually thought he did alright. Hugh Jackman was ok too, while
Anne Hathaway was, as you’d expect, distinctly average. Helena Bonham-Carter was
as brilliantly maniacal as ever and along with Sacha Baron Cohen brightened up
the whole affair with their comical supporting roles. Ah Corgette, how we
laughed.
Both have musical previous of course, in the aforementioned Sweeney Todd
and are much better in this. Meanwhile Eddie Redmayne looked simply lost, Amanda Seyfried was, shall we say, very hard on the ears and Samantha Barks, well, I’ll have nothing said against her.Cue gratuitous photo.
Singing wise, the men sang low which worked, the women sang
high, which generally didn't. The street urchin child showed them all how to do
it, albeit in Cockney. There were also a few actors who had done the stage show, good on you Sammy, and you could tell.
Clearly Les Misérables is a film you’ll either love or hate.
If you aren't a fan of musicals, skip it. It’s a total mystery to me as to why
the score has been such a hit. If you are a fan of a decent plot, err, I would
definitely skip it too.
Overall I feel rather proud that I got through it and if
they were selling ‘I survived Les Misérables’ t-shirts outside, I would have
bought one.
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