Amityville Horror (2005)

A remake of the 1979 film Amityville Horror.

The story of course relates to the alleged haunting of the house the Lutz family bought at a knockdown price. It was cheap because Ronald DeFeo, Jr. had murdered his entire family there. Scary happenings occur almost as soon as they move in and the film recounts their 28-day stay at the house until they fled. Most things happen at 3.15am, the time of the murders, this also seems to be the time when Mr Lutz gets it on with Mrs Lutz, so no cut-off times in that household. Some things have been changed; their daughter begins seeing one of the dead family, a girl called Jodie, who was actually a pig in the original but hey, small detail. Also, George Lutz is portrayed as more of a maniac in this one and even axed the family dog to death where in fact, I'm pleased to report, the dog escaped intact with the rest of the family. That apart, a decent enough film.

The Edge Of Love

It's a film about Dylan Thomas, which doesn't tell you much about him at all.

The film opens during the Blitz, where Ikea Knightley, sorry I mean Keira Knightley, has returned to the scene of her death in Atonement and is singing 'down in the tube station at midnight' or something like that. She's Vera Phillips and she's about to make the same mistake again and fall for another solider that goes off to war.

She wanders into a bar where she bumps into her childhood sweetheart and first shag, a Mr Dylan Thomas (Matthew Rhys), who is currently churning out not very poetic government propaganda films. She has high hopes of picking up where they left off until he introduces his wife, the manic Caitlin (Sienna Miller), not that this will make any difference to his interest in our Keira.



From this point on Dylan Thomas becomes pretty much a side issue as the film focuses on the two feisty women but mainly on Vera. Despite their rivalry over Dylan, the women form an uneasy friendship. Caitlin likes her own infidelities, possibly for the money and probably because her husband is supposedly servicing a long line of infatuated women but the film offers no evidence of this. Dylan justifies his actions by saying that a poet cannot remain faithful, as he needs to experience his vices to the full, of which heavy smoking and drinking are clearly two others. There's an awful lot of smoking in the film, probably putting the anti-smoking campaign back years.

Vera meets and marries an annoyingly persistent admirer of hers William Killick (Cillian Murphy), who promptly knocks her up and then buggers off to war, seemingly for at least eighteen months. During which time the others begin living as a threesome in two cottages atop a Welsh cliff top, where they all somehow resist hurling themselves off.



It was absolutely certain that William would return from war assuming Vera and Dylan had been at it like rabbits, I'm sure he decided this before he even left. That is even before you add in the fact that he is now traumatised by war. So are we, after they undercut Vera giving birth with an amputation on the battlefield. Therefore, it's no great surprise when he attacks Dylan with a shotgun. The surprise is that he misses.

It's a pretentious film with little focus, which gives only a slight insight into Dylan Thomas and his poetry. It's impossible to care about any of the characters. The film is supposedly about the friendship of the two women but we never get the impression they actually become friends in the truest sense. L hates Dylan's character; I hate William's character, so we kind of agree.



Acting wise, the men are ok, they even get a native Welsh speaker in to play Dylan, which is unusual casting these days. Keira Knightly is not that bad, she tries hard, bless her and she is easily out-planked by Miller, who is more Wurzles than Welsh, and makes Keira's lapses in and out of her accent look positively impressive.

No 'edge', no 'love' and if it was meant as a tribute to a supposedly 'great' poet, then it was totally uninspiring in that as well but then I always detested 'Under Milk Wood' after studying it at school. As for my class, if you'd handed us a shotgun, we wouldn't have missed.

Penelope

'Penelope', which has proved very popular with the women of our household. Although this may be more because of the men in it rather than the story itself. Anyhow, I'm about to find out. I will review this in trepidation of upsetting them.

Apparently, a member of the 'well to do' Wilhern family once knocked up his maid but then dumped her causing the distraught girl to top herself. Her irate mother, who by chance is also a witch (probably why he dumped her daughter), places a curse on the family. Subsequently the next baby girl born to the Wilhern's will be born with the face of a pig until one of them finds true love with 'one of her own kind'.

No legitimate girl is born to the Wilhern's for generations but then Penelope appears complete with a pig's snout. Although the curse must have weakened over the years because it's hardly the whole 'face of a pig' deal that was promised. Even so, after attempts at plastic surgery fail, her parents (Catherine O'Hara and an underused Richard E Grant) fake her death, I assume to throw the paparazzi off the scent, and Penelope is (kind of) locked away in the tower, in true fairy tale style. That is until she is older, when in an attempt to break the curse; her family lure potential suitors with a large dowry.

Are you with me so far? Well now suspend belief because once faced with Penelope's horrifically disfigured face, all the potential suitors run screaming from the room and even dive through glass windows to escape... Ahmm.

Hello? What's not to like? Penelope has the body of Christina Ricci, the hair of Christina Ricci and with the exception of the nose, the face of Christina Ricci. It's simply Christina Ricci in a Halloween mask.

One of the suitors, Edward, even says he cannot bear to kiss her. Oh come on. Penelope isn't the least bit terrifying. In fact, she's really cute, in a Christina Ricci sort of way and doesn't research show that 95% of people kiss with their eyes closed anyway. Any 'normal' male would shag first, ask questions later... 'great sex Dear... by the way how did you get that awful nose job'

Right, so that's the obvious plot flaw out the way. Perhaps if they'd set the story in ye olden times and not in modern day, then this hypothesis might have worked.

Edward reports his 'horrific' encounter to the police but when he isn't believed, he decides to rebuild his name by teaming up with the tabloid reporter Lemon to expose Penelope. They hire failed pianist and gambler Max, played by a pre-Atonement James McAvoy and looking less of a wimp than usual, to pose as a prospective suitor and get a photograph of her.



Max though cocks it up and falls for her but then decides he cannot pursue her because he is not of her kind and therefore cannot break the curse.



Fed up, Penelope does what teenagers do, throws a strop and runs away from home, wrapping a scarf around her 'hideous' face. Once out in the 'real' world she befriends Reese Witherspoon and her Vespa. Then when she is finally exposed to the world, she becomes a bit of a celebrity and presumably nets a multi million pound contract with 'Hello' magazine. So, she didn't really need to sell her own picture to the tabloids.



The studio had apparently sat on this film for two years, despite it's all-star cast. Among others, Nigel Havers, Lenny Henry and that guy from 'Shaun Of The Dead' all pop up. This makes you feel they thought there was something not quite right about it.

It's a similar cute fairy-tale to the recent 'Enchanted' and 'Stardust', it's very Walt Disney but actually with more in common with Shrek or Edward Scissorhands. Although without the humour of the former or the charm of the latter.

It's all over in around 80 minutes, just as I was getting into it. It would have been nice to have seen more of Penelope discovering the 'real' world. In the end, Penelope cures the curse herself by declaring herself happy as she is. So, Penelope gets her James McAvoy and lives happily ever after but it's difficult to believe the message about being ugly not mattering and it being the person inside that counts when Christina Ricci is gorgeous even with the nose of a pig.

My partner simply loves the romance of it but I though the romance was sadly lacking because the two leads spent so little time together. There are some good side jokes and good performances from Ricci and McAvoy but it could have been a lot better but in the end was just alright.

In Search of a Midnight Kiss

The film opens with tasteful shots of numerous couples romantically entwined while in the background Frank Sinatra is singing 'As Time Goes By'. Then we cut to Wilson (Scoot McNairy) who quickly lowers the tone. Wilson is new to Los Angeles, recently split from a long-term girlfriend, fed up, and lonely. We see him using Photoshop to paste his flat mate's girlfriend's head onto the photo of a naked female body. He is pleased with the erotic nature of the resulting photo, until his flat mate Jacob (Brian McGuire) walks in and catches him with his pants down. Oh dear, it's so embarrassing when that happens.

Unable to believe what he is seeing, Jacob calls his girlfriend over to ask her if that really is her on the computer screen. By now Wilson is hiding in the bathroom.

It's New Year's Eve and Jacob decides it's best if Wilson gets a life. So he persuades him to post a personal ad on Craig's List.

The ad 'Misanthrope seeks misanthrope' gets a response from the strong-willed but neurotic Vivian (Sara Simmonds), who is holding openly cut-throat interviews to try and find the 'right guy' to be with at the stroke of midnight. Despite having reservations about Wilson, he seems the best option and the two of them 'hang out' around Los Angeles. Two lonesome souls who don't wish to spend New Year's Eve without having someone to kiss at midnight.



Vivian admits she had to look up what a misanthrope was. As did I! A misanthrope does not trust other human beings; they possibly do not even like them. Initially Vivian seems to fit this description to a 'T' but as their relationship develops over the evening, our first impressions of the two of them change. Vivian turns out to be more human than she would have us believe. Deep down perhaps she's a philanthropic person. Wilson too grows before our eyes to be more substantial and interesting than we first thought.

In order to get to know each other better they both agree to make a confession to each other. Wilson, for reasons only he can fathom, confesses to the Photoshop incident. This unsurprisingly doesn't go down well and after that revelation, the date takes some rescuing. Things get worse when Vivian discovers condoms in his pocket. She'd already made it crystal clear they'd be none of that sort of entertainment this evening and certainly not something requiring the five, which were forced upon him by Jacob.

Wilson empties his bank account and wins her round with a meal. We find out that Vivian's dumped her long-term boyfriend, although she doesn't really seem to have told him yet, after finding out he was sleeping with someone else. When she finally answers the phone to her ex, she tells him the news and he threatens to torch all her belongings and do worse to Wilson. So Wilson helps her out in a mission to rescue her belongings from their apartment.



They eventually turn up at Jacob's New Years Eve party where he is about to propose to his girlfriend, Min (Kathleen Luong). Min though, rather than be annoyed by the Photoshop incident, seems flattered by it and comes on to Wilson. God, girls are weird. Shocked by this, Wilson immediately leaves and takes Vivian with him. Even after that incident, Min still accepts Jacob's offer of marriage.

Wilson and Vivian end up where they were always destined to, in bed together, where Vivian's confession comes, that she's pregnant by her ex.



In the morning, she waves goodbye to him from a taxi and is seemingly gone for ever and Wilson is back more or less, where he started but with more of a mess as regards his flatmates. The upside is possibly his own ex, who's given him a call, and perhaps could be up for reconciliation.

A good film with definite shades of 'Before Sunset'. I liked it but it's the sort of film L and I go for. A cheap fun film with lots of rough edges. Just like life should be.