Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day

It's 1939 in London and the Second World War is on the horizon. Guinevere Pettigrew (Frances McDormand) is a middle-aged governess who finds herself forever falling out with her employers, so much so that her agency refuses to help her find work anymore. Destitute, homeless and dressed as Oliver Twist's mother, in the only set of clothes she owns, she steals a client's card from the agency and intercepts an employment assignment at the apartment of a nightclub singer named Delysia Lafosse (Amy Adams).

Delysia needs a social secretary to sort out her chaotic life. What she actually needs is a good slap but that doesn't actually happen. Delysia is determined to become famous on the London stage and by sleeping with Phil, a young West End producer, she hopes to secure a lead role. Problem is she now needs him to leave because the bed he auditioned her in and the flat in which she lives belongs to Nick, a smarmy nightclub owner who she sings for and also dallies with.

Using her initiative, Miss Pettigrew bluffs her way through the situation and gets rid of Phil. The film is a screwball comedy of sorts and at first, she thinks Phil is Delysia's Son. The 'comedy' continues with boyfriends coming and going, underwear hanging from the chandelier, clothes hidden under rugs, characters missing each other in the lift and several double entendres but nothing is particularly funny.



Unfortunately, for Miss Pettigrew, Delysia is an ongoing crisis, a bimbo who needs a lesson in life. Delysia, not her real name, is really just a normal girl who craves to be a social climber but who isn't very good at climbing. Amy Adams plays her perfectly, I suppose, basically reprising her role from Enchanted. She really gets on your nerves but I guess she's supposed to.

Her messy love life is completed by her piano player, Michael. A guy who accepts her for who she really is, and he wants to take her to New York on the Queen Mary but Delysia isn't interested. Her career and desire for the high life cloud her sense of reason.



Miss Pettigrew hangs on to Delysia's coat tails for a day, kind of living the high life. Also being called upon to help a fashion editor called Edythe (Shirley Henderson) try and patch things up with her fiancé, an older lingerie designer (Ciaran Hinds).



It's all very undemanding and in the end, Miss Pettigrew manages to help Delysia see sense and set sail with Michael, and in the process, she herself gets off with Ciaran Hinds. Somehow, Ciaran Hinds always seems to get the girl.

Angel

'Angel' is based on a book by Elizabeth Taylor (no, not that one). The ironically named Angel Deverell (Ramola Garai) lives with her mother above their grocery store. Angel though, doesn't live in reality and isn't remotely angelic. She refuses to accept the world as it is and instead creates her own, through her vivid imagination, where she is a renowned writer who lives in the nearby Paradise House, where she dreamed of living when she was younger.

Nobody thinks she has the ability to be a writer but amazingly, despite little or no life experiences to draw on, a publisher (Sam Neill) takes a wild punt on one of her romantic novels. Even then, he has his reservations and questions among other things, a glaring mistake in her book where she writes that champagne is opened with a corkscrew, but when she throws a tantrum and refuses to change it, he publishes anyway. Fortunately, after this, we are not treated to many more nuggets of her writing.

His wife (Charlotte Rampling) clearly thinks he's mad and can't stand the rude and childish Angel. She suspects it's just because he has the hots for her.

You can't help but agree with his wife about Angel, from the moment the wretched woman appears on screen, she is simply too vile to inspire any sympathy.

Amazingly, the book is a success and one by one all her dreams come true. Angel gets to live like one of the made-up heroines in her books and buys Paradise House but continues to live a life of complete fantasy. She isolates herself from everything else in the world, including the First World War, when it breaks out.



I think the film tries to hammer home the fantasy point because some of the scenes when they are travelling are so badly done, using superimposed backgrounds, that you think you've fallen into a parody of something from the 1950's. Surely, this must have been deliberate.

She meets the Howe-Nevisons. Nora (Lucy Russell), is her obsessive number one fan who begs her to let her be her personal assistant, and her brother Esme (Michael Fassbender), an untalented painter, with whom Angel falls in love with.



At first, he appears to be almost as unlikable as she is and I think they deserve each but then, because Angel is so selfish and so possessive of him, I start to feel sorry for him. She is so annoying that I can't imagine anyone putting up with her.

He goes off to war, the war that Angel pretends doesn't exist, probably just to escape her and comes back wounded. Trapped with Angel and the wheelchair she 'lovingly' provided for him, he hangs himself.

The war is also her undoing, she starts to incorporate her anti-war feelings into her novels and her readership deserts her, at a time when the country are pulling together in the war effort. You almost want to cheer when she herself falls ill and dies.

Oddly having aged badly, the make-up was a bit dodgy (shades of 'Love In The Time Of Cholera'), on her deathbed she seems to rewind back to her late twenties.



I wouldn't say it was a bad film because I found it quite enjoyable. The problem with it was that you never felt anything for the main character and not much for any of the others either. Throughout you just wanted someone to give her a really hard slap.

Orlando (1992)

The film adaptation is by Sally Potter, a brave lass, because I think she's tried to film the unfilmable.

It's all a bit Shakespearean to me with a touch of Ian McEwan. Although as L points out Ian McEwan's usually have a plot. If Virginia Woolf had one when she started out, she soon lost it. From the moment Jimmy Somerville appears as a falsetto angel, you know this is going to be hard work.

Orlando is a young noble man during Queen Elizabeth I's reign. Tilda Swinton plays Orlando, a woman playing a man. Quentin Crisp plays Queen Elizabeth I, hmmm, but he's more convincing as a woman than Tilda Swinton is as a man. This, as I know that during the film Orlando becomes a woman, rather gives the plot away in the first few seconds.



Orlando is offered a house and land by the Queen, if he can stay forever young. The film follows Orlando as he moves through several centuries of British history, experiencing life along the way, and during this time, impossible as it may seem, he doesn't age a day.

He falls in love with a skater during the winter of the Great Frost, the skater is Sasha, a Russian Princess. A young woman who also dresses as a man and as unconvincingly as Orlando does. She toys with his feelings and one night, when they plan to run away together, she fails to turn up. The cow.

Throughout his amble through the centuries, Orlando bumps into people briefly before moving on. Many historical figures appear but aren't properly introduced. So, if you didn't know the story you'd miss them, such as when Nick Greene and other poets, show up. All the monarchs of the passing years are briefly mentioned.

At some point Orland falls into a coma and when he awakes, he's become a woman. Yes really. Orlando doesn't look unduly bothered or even surprised. Suppose we'd all like to try it but I'd like an assurance that there was a way back. There was a previous scene where Orlando also appeared to have a long sleep and I had thought he'd already gender hopped because with Swinton in the lead, it's hard to tell.



This transformation causes him to lose his grand house. Firstly, because he is legally dead but also because he's now female and this amounts to much the same thing. Women were not allowed to own property.

Orlando continues to be unlucky in love and things get no better when he/she falls off his/her horse and is rescued by Billy Zane. They promptly jump into bed but ultimately, he/she is dumped again.



A quick rush through the twentieth century and then we are in the present day, where Orlando is handing his/her memoirs to a publisher. The film closes with Orlando and his/her child back at the house she acquired centuries ago.

They say it's not the getting there but the journey. Hmmm, I'm not convinced. A truly strange film, to say the least. Rambling and largely plotless. It's allegedly a film about self-discovery but Orlando's character seems to learn little throughout the years. You feel he/she's somewhat wasted his/her time. I suppose Orlando learns that each gender has its faults, no matter what century it is, but despite amassing several centuries of experience, he has little to show for it.

In 1941, Woolf committed suicide by filling her pockets with stones and wading into the River Ouse near where she lived. She probably couldn't find her real self either.

Elegy

'Elegy' is based on Philip Roth's short novel 'The Dying Animal'. Which really makes you wonder why they called it 'Elegy'? Because as film titles go, they don't come any better than 'The Dying Animal' where as an 'elegy' is a poem about mourning or something like that.

David Kepesh (Ben Kingsley) is a professor of literary criticism, and is probably around 60 years old (my sort of age). Lecturing to his class, he assesses War and Peace and explains that you bring yourself to any work of art. You see it through your own eyes, through your own situation, with your prejudices etc but whatever your thoughts on it, the work will live on well beyond your thoughts on it. This is an essential theme of the film.

Kepesh may be a respected college professor but he's also a bit of a lecherous old man (well aren't we all) who lusts after his female students (don't we all). Kepesh though appears to be a bit of a success on this front (the swine) but he thoughtfully never attempts to bed any of his students until the final grades are in, when he throws a cocktail party for them and all previous rules are suspended.

Kepesh knows he's an old git with an aging body but he doesn't want to grow up, his mind he reckons still functions as a teenager. Hang on a sec; I can relate to that sentiment but no one would seriously want to be stuck with the mind of a teenager. Heaven forbid. Mid twenties would do me nicely please.

This term's lucky target for seduction is Consuela Castillo (Penelope Cruz). Consuela is a doe-eyed student considerably younger than Cruz herself is but she scrubs up well for it. In fact, she looks great, even with her kit on, and her acting is pretty good too. I have had no time for any of her previous films. Both L and I thought the much touted 'Volver' was rubbish. As for her so called beauty, it's never done anything for me.

The suave Kepesh successfully woos her with flattery, charm, a bit of theatre and some tinkling on the piano. Which is all very annoying because it works; and he promptly falls head over heels in lust with her. So it's another film about old men's fantasies about getting it on with women thirty years their junior. So let's suspend belief, well maybe not. It's no more unbelievable than an OAP like Max Mosley, entertaining five girls in the middle of the afternoon.



They embark on a passionate relationship but Kepesh is realistic and knows it won't last. Therefore, there's little chemistry between them only sex. Thing is Kepesh doesn't usually care if it lasts or not because he shuns commitment anyway, when one of his students inevitably leaves him for a younger model, he just charms another one.

In fact, to fill any gaps Kepesh has a regular-ish shag lined up, three weekly I believe the arrangement was, with Carolyn, a business woman (Patricia Clarkson). They seem well suited but surprisingly, given their arrangement, she gets annoyed when she realises she's not the only dish on his menu.

This time though, his desire for Consuela clearly destabilises him and his cynical façade begins to crack. His friend, award-winning poet, George (Dennis Hopper), we also get an appearance by Deborah Harry as George's wife, comes out with the nugget that 'beautiful women are invisible' because we don't get beyond the 'beauty barrier'. Like admiring a work of art, we see in another person what we want to see. In his case, Kepesh sees the sexual side of the beautiful Consuela and fails to see the person underneath. Bringing his prejudices into it, just like with War and Peace.



He is so blinded by his infatuation that he starts behaving like the teenager, he says is still in his head. To the point of ducking out of attending functions with Consuela and avoiding meeting her parents. I find this a little hard to believe, surely, he's mature enough to not care whether they disapproved and of course, they would. Why should he care if it all ends in tears when he's convinced it will do so anyway? What will be will be. It's an imperfect relationship but aren't they all? The result of not attending her graduation party is that he doesn't see her for two years.

Kepesh also has an estranged 40-something son Kenny (Peter Sarsgaard), a man married with children, who appears on the scene to tell his father that he has been having an affair. Kepesh is too involved in his own predicament to bother dishing out advice or sympathy. Even though he's done plenty of what his son calls 'serial tomcatting' when he was married to Kenny's mother. He left his son and wife many years ago and Kenny has never quite forgiven him.

Cruz is very free with her flesh throughout the film, and when Consuela reappears, her breasts become even more central to the plot. She tells Kepesh that she has breast cancer and expects to lose one of them in the operation. This upsets her because she feels that she will no longer be beautiful. Does she return to tell to Kepesh because she knew his desire was for her body and not for her? Is her beauty all that matters to her? Will he still want to read War And Peace with the best bits ripped out? Or can Kepesh now see beyond the 'beauty barrier'? It's very un-PC these days not to say 'its ok love it doesn't matter what you look like'.

I can see it coming and he asks him to photograph her breasts. What he did with the photos I'm not sure. Were they for her or for him? Are they hanging on his wall above the fireplace?



The ending is inconclusive, we see a couple on the beach. Has Kepesh made a late conversion to true love? I'm not sure.

This film is going to have so many critics because of its subject matter and because of the way it was told, in a slow, pondering character based way. The film takes its time telling its story but I like that approach.

In my opinion, it's a cracking movie that I thoroughly enjoyed. There are sublime performances by Kingsley, Cruz’s nipples, and even a pretty good one from Penelope herself. Never though I'd say that.

Somers Town

The film is sponsored by Eurostar and was originally conceived as a plug to mark the train service's move to the new St Pancras International station but when they asked Shane Meadows to make it, I think he got carried away.

What they got was another typical gritty Meadows' coming-of-age story that looks small budget and is shot almost completely in black and white.

Tomo, played by Thomas Turgoose, the star of Meadow's 'This Is England' has runaway from Nottingham and ends up in London, or more precisely the district of Somers Town, the area between Euston and St Pancras.

Tomo isn't as tough as he seems to think he is and within minutes of cracking open his first illegal lager, he gets mugged by the local lads, as well as getting a good kicking. Typical Meadows stuff.

Tommo refuses a sensible offer of a train ticket and instead meets the shy reserved Marek (Piotr Jagiello), a Polish immigrant, who is his polar opposite. Marek spends his days taking photographs and trying to occupy himself while his father works as a builder on the new station.



Somehow, despite Tomo stealing Marek's photos, they form an unlikely friendship. Most of Marek's photos are of the love of his life, a sexy French waitress called Maria, who he barely knows. Tomo quickly shares his appreciation of her. Although Maria is clearly a lot older and wiser than both of them and well out of their leagues.



Tomo has nowhere to stay and hides out in Marek's bedroom, surviving on scraps from his meals. It is all kept secret from Marek's father, Tomo is even persuaded to do his number two's in a plastic bag so as not to be discovered. That is until the boys get riotously drunk and are found out anyway.



Tomo also has nothing to wear but stealing clothes from the local launderette doesn't help and leaves Tomo dressed as (in his words) a 'female golfer'. Poor old Marek meanwhile is given a knock-off 'Terry Henry' Arsenal shirt by the local wide boy, a chap called Graham, who keeps him money in his thong.

The film meanders to no conclusion in particular and ends with Maria back in Paris and the boys in pursuit, via Eurostar and the film bursts into colour.

As usual with Meadows, a pleasant thought provoking tale. Not one of his best but still very watchable.

The Magic Toyshop (1987)

The story concerns 15-year-old Melanie and starts interestingly with her preening herself naked in front of a mirror. Later though, when the climbing the apple tree naked scene comes in, it's done fully clothed. These people do take liberties with vital plot elements when they convert books to the screen.

After her parents are killed in a plane crash, Melanie, along with her younger brother and sister, are sent to live with their Uncle Philip (Tom Bell) and his family. This family consists of his mute Irish wife and her brothers, Francie and Finn. He rules authoritarian like over all of them, although once his back is turned; they indulge in forbidden pleasures, such as dancing and drinking.

He is also a toymaker and owns a toyshop. He puts on surreal and often violent plays with his life like puppets that his family have to watch. He soon gets Melanie to take part in these productions alongside the puppets. He asserts his dominance over his wife by making her wear a silver collar whilst she watches the shows. L tells me, that in the book, this isn't the only time he gets her to wear it.

Finn develops a 'thing' about Melanie and in particular her long dark hair. Although he doesn't repeat the cool chat up line from the book:- 'You've got lovely hair Melanie, black as a pint of Guinness; black as an Ethiopian's armpit.' That'll work down your local pub.

Finn likes her hair down and doesn't like it in the braids she seems to prefer but she's probably just doing it to be a tease. They go on to develop a relationship of sorts, helped or possibly hindered by her Uncle who gets Finn to rehearse the part of a swan puppet that will molest Melanie in his next play.

Many strange and surreal events go on, things that I often lose track of and which often hint at things that only reading the book can explain. Thankfully, I have L on hand to explain these to me. Through these happenings, Melanie discovers more about her adopted family including their incestuous secrets and that her aunt isn't mute after all.

It all ends happily with the Uncle being depicted as a dummy and being burned on Guy Fawkes Night.

The story is totally bizarre and all terribly immoral, perverse and wonderfully un-politically correct. Which may be why it's been so hard to get hold of. It was made by the Granada TV network and screened on television before having a limited theatrical release. It is also, from what I can gather from my limited exposure to her books, very typical of Angela Carter, who wrote the original book and wrote the screenplay of the film.

All good family fun.

Amityville Horror (2005)

A remake of the 1979 film Amityville Horror.

The story of course relates to the alleged haunting of the house the Lutz family bought at a knockdown price. It was cheap because Ronald DeFeo, Jr. had murdered his entire family there. Scary happenings occur almost as soon as they move in and the film recounts their 28-day stay at the house until they fled. Most things happen at 3.15am, the time of the murders, this also seems to be the time when Mr Lutz gets it on with Mrs Lutz, so no cut-off times in that household. Some things have been changed; their daughter begins seeing one of the dead family, a girl called Jodie, who was actually a pig in the original but hey, small detail. Also, George Lutz is portrayed as more of a maniac in this one and even axed the family dog to death where in fact, I'm pleased to report, the dog escaped intact with the rest of the family. That apart, a decent enough film.